The Importance of Relationship

Just thinking tonight about relationships...about how just because we live with people it doesn't mean we have a true relationship with them. I think one of the big pitfalls for homeschool moms is to think they have a good relationship with their kiddos simply because they spend tons of time together. Of course, we do spend lots of time together, but that doesn't necessarily mean we are really relating meaningfully to one another. Hashing through math facts, giving spelling tests, and doing another hour of read-alouds doesn't necessarily knit the souls together. It is easy to get caught up in the doing and miss the being. That is something I've been learning slowly but surely over the past years of homeschooling (and life). Yes, my kiddos need some level of an education, but they don't need an education to the negation of a happy home life...where mom doesn't have time for them apart from school time. 

Especially as my kiddos have gotten older, I've seen how they glow when I really address them on their level...when I honestly and truly engage in conversation with them...when I spend time playing/doing something they enjoy...when I take time away from my "list of things to do" and just interact with them. A true relationship isn't just proximity, it takes intentionality...it takes work.

Today was a lovely day...filled with not a whole lot more than being together. Nothing major was accomplished (today is our "off day" for school), but general peace and pleasantness abounded (with a few episodes of bickering added in...continuing to work on that). These are some of my favorite days...I don't think the day will come where I wish I would have filled them up with outside commitments and more fact recitations. No, my kids are not slated to become professional athletes or musicians, and I doubt they will make their mark in the academic world...but, that's okay with me. I do hope they will be known for their love to God and man, and much of that begins in the day-to-day of the home. 

This concept also holds true for our husbands. Dave and I are going on 17 years of marriage come this May! It seems so easy to drift apart as the years go by even though we are physically together most all evenings and weekends. A good marriage relationship also takes daily effort...the kind, encouraging word here...the small, loving touch there...the setting aside of the computer/tv/phone to have some real conversation...the taking of steps to be vulnerable...the showing of appreciation for the little things...the choice to put the other first. I feel like I have neglected doing those things as well as I should lately...so watch out Dave! ;)

I know none of  these thoughts are new or unique, but somehow they always seem to so quickly be forgotten, at least for me. Anyways, my hope is that this encourages you to pursue those around you in a meaningful way...

Also, here's an article I came across the other day that I wanted to share: 

Can't You See that I'm Busy? by Alcorn

And, this post is a good place to refer again to what has been a very beneficial article for me that speaks, in part, to the importance of relationship:
Solving the Crisis in Homeschooling (not just for parents of homeschoolers) by Bradley

the mall near our condo in Hawaii was just lovely...
 

some more random beach pics
 

the black rock against the blue ocean was so stunning
 

Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands

Wow, what a book! I've decided that Paul Tripp is one of my new favorite bible teachers. I've been listening to quite a few of his sermons online lately, and just finished his book, Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. The subtitle states it's purpose so succinctly...People in need of change, helping people in need of change. I guess this could be considered a book on biblical counseling. But, Tripp clearly points out that we are all counselors and God means for us to counsel others. Not that this means professionally schooled and with a degree, but rather that God has created us to be in fellowship, in community, with one another for a main purpose of helping each other grow and mature in Christ.

This, however, is not an easy book to read and begin applying. I almost feel like I need to just start back at the beginning and begin again. Tripp does an amazing job at peeling back the layers and addressing true heart issues rather than outward actions/words. He not only gives scriptural insight, but many examples of situations, and also practical ways to apply these concepts. What he lays out is not a quick, slap a bible verse on their problem and send them away, but a gathering of information, really seeing where people are coming from, and then designing spiritual eye-opening counseling to meet them where they are at. He lays out the importance of scripture as a mirror; that God uses His word powerfully in people as they submit themselves to His truth.

I could probably pull some great excerpts from most any page of this book...here's the one I happened upon this afternoon:

You Can Bring Purpose (pages 300-301)

Everyone who comes for counsel comes for a reason. They have an agenda, something they would like to see accomplished. But as a counselor you must remember that spiritual blindness will prevent counselees from seeing where their agenda is narrow, selfish, or too temporary ("this worldly") in nature. They will need your help to see when their purpose for counseling reveals that they have exchanged the worship and service of the Creator for worship and service of the created thing (Rom 1:25).

The man who is separated from his wife comes to counseling because he wants his family back. The wife comes to counseling because she wants a husband who really loves her. The teenager comes because his car has been taken away "until he gets his act together." The depressed young man just wants a little bit of happiness. The pastor wants to understand why he is not more successful in ministry.

Each has a reason for coming to counseling, yet none of them sees the self-orientation of their purpose. In reality, they want little more than the particular piece of the created world that would make them happy. Yet they are children of a God who wants much, much more for them and who sacrificed his own Son in order to secure it!

Such a counselee comes to counseling blind to the fact that his agenda is colored by fear, self-interest, control, personal happiness, or a desire for some other aspect of creation. His problem is not that he wants too much from the Lord, but that he is willing to settle for too little. He seeks the temporary pleasures of the created world when God wants him to become nothing less than a partaker "in the divine nature" (2 Pet 1:4).

The counselee needs someone to come alongside him who is armed with purpose--but not the narrow purpose of self-interest. He needs someone who has a redemptive purpose that is not crippled by self-interest and a desire for personal gain. He needs someone to introduce him to God's grand, redemptive agenda, which is higher, fuller, and deeper than anything he would have wanted or planned for himself.

Peter says that God is working on more than giving me a happy marriage and good kids. As Paul says at the end of Eph 3, he is "able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine." In our counseling, we do not want to be shortsighted; we do not want to settle for too little. We want to be used of God to move people from being joyful because it seems as though God is fulfilling their plans to the place where they have forsaken their personal dreams for the greater joys of participating in what God has planned for them.

The biblical counselor wants what God wants for the counselee. His agenda is formed by Scripture--to help the counselee invest in things that will not fade or perish. To accomplish that, he needs to help the counselee uncover his heart's true intentions while opening his eyes to God's glorious purposes for him. As a counselor, I want the questions I ask to accomplish this goal. I want them to open my counselee's eyes to what he is really living for and to created in him a hunger for more than the temporary pleasures of this life. I want to greet the counselee's agenda with redemptive purpose.

In our counseling, we are representing the Messiah. What is his work?
To open the eyes that are blind, to free captives from prison and to release from the dungeon those who sit in darkness (Is 42:7)
Can we as his servants be committed to anything less?

beautiful lunch spot
 

trying to catch lizards
 

 

Red Flags

A few weeks back, we had a Gospel Community Leaders Retreat. The speaker was Ceasar Kalinowski of Soma and GCM Collective. He talked about many good and helpful things in relationship to Gospel Communities, and one thing he mentioned was the concept of Red Flags. I don't know about you, but generally when someone responds badly to something or sins in some way, I kind of wish it hadn't happened. He challenged us to look at those times as Red Flags...God's way of quickly and clearly pointing out an area of unbelief. So rather than wishing them away/getting annoyed/groaning/etc., we can use them to help others (and ourselves) to take that area and bring it into the light of God's word. 

For example...one of the kids starts complaining about the other. My first response is to sigh and think "here we go again." But, if I look at it as a Red Flag, I will instead go "what is this reaction showing about my child's heart?" That will allow me to seek a God-honoring/heart-changing response rather than just a band-aid solution to stop the complaining. An example in community would be having someone take offense at something another said. Rather than trying to explain it away, placate the person, or just move on (the easier and quicker "solutions"), we can address the potential deeper issues of pride, people-pleasing, etc. I know looking at challenges in this light helps me to have a more biblical response to them...hope it also helps you. 

These pics are probably from my favorite part of our time in Hawaii
A lava tub has become filled with water and we went into it and explored
it's only probably 60 feet long...not too far, but really cool
 

 

 

 

 

Gifts 777 - 809

You don't live life in big moments. You live life in the utterly mundane. If God doesn't rule your
mundane, then he doesn't rule your life. The character of a life is set in 10,000 little moments, not big
moments. ----From this article by Paul Tripp

777 - on-time flights
778 - palm tree swaying in the breeze
779 - time to think/reflect
780 - sand between the toes
781 - cousin adventures
782 - fans
783 - space
784 - tide pools
785 - turtles
786 - incredible vistas
787 - the amazing variation in creation
788 - water bottles
789 - creative fountains
790 - everyone piled on the couch
791 - catching waves
792 - sand castles
793 - walking hand in hand
794 - mochi ice cream
795 - eating on the patio
796 - strawberry papaya
797 - working through struggles
798 - remembering God's great love for me
799 - waves crashing on the rocks
800 - seeing areas to improve on
801 - painted toes
802 - whales frolicking
803 - stacking rocks
804 - digital pictures
805 - pleasant waitresses
806 - healthy bodies most of the time
807 - Fanta at the beach
808 - fun hats
809 - farmer's markets

 

 

 

Home again

We arrived back into Wenatchee very early this morning after an uneventful trip - thankful for that! Since we left so late on our last day, we were even able to get a short, but beautiful walk in and a quick bite to eat at the ocean before we flew out. Our time away was very pleasant, but I love coming back home. I'll continue to share more pics over the next few posts...

I think this was from Hapuna Beach
 

 

this one maybe Mauna Kea
 

can't quite remember the name of this beach - it had awesome snorkling
 

this horse/donkey lived at the top of the Pololu Valley
 

Pololu Valley

We went to one of my favorite spots on Hawaii, Pololu Valley. This time we took a really cool route over the top half of the island which had lush, green hills, beautiful vistas, and lots of cattle. The valley itself is just amazingly beautiful with black sand, lots of interesting rope swings/etc. down at the bottom. The hike up and down isn't too hard, but is hot coming back up.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sand Castles

The kiddos have been having a great time making sand castles. They have really become quite elaborate. For any of you Lord of the Rings fans, they recreated some of those cities: Os-Giliath, Minas-Terith, and the beacons. :) I love seeing kiddos hard at work on something creative... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Hawaiin Petroglyphs

It sure has been lovely here these last couple of days. We've mostly been hanging out at some gorgeous beaches and the kids have been loving playing in the waves. It's been great as they have gotten older and much more capable in the ocean. The other night we headed to a short walk that led to petroglyphs. We aren't totally sure the ones at the beginning are authentic, but they were neat.  

 

such an unforgiving landscape
 

we were headed out for a nice dinner the conference puts on...that's why we're somewhat dressed up  

 

this one was my favorite :)