Speak, Part 2

This post is continuing on from yesterday's Part 1 post on Speak...

Confronting people should not only confront them with failure and sin, it should also confront them with the gospel. Rom 8:1-17 lays out the gospel as a comfort and a call.

Comfort, vs 1-11

--Christ's work has removed condemnation for sin. We don't need to fear, be ashamed, feel guilty, etc. We can have confidence in Christ's forgiveness and our position in Him. 

--We are given the Holy Spirit. We are no longer slaves to sin...we have Christ's power, glory and grace within us

Call, vs 12-17

--We must get serious about sin and see it as God does

--We must accept responsibility for our sin and obey

This was one of my favorite concepts...I fall much more on the "call" side...you're in sin, shape up and stop sinning. But, that way of thinking has two problems...one, it lays the responsibility on the sinner who doesn't have the ability apart from Christ...and, two, it gives no hope to consistently obey. The hope and power is found on the "comfort" side. You, of course, can also fall off the horse on the "comfort" side and not challenge people to true and lasting change. 

I loved this idea because all of us at all times need both of these truths. Tripp gives the example of an angry man who yells at his wife. We would likely give him a very strong "call" message and his wife a very strong "comfort" message. However, this angry husband also needs the comfort of the gospel because that gives him the foundation on which he can go forward with right actions. On the other hand, the wife also needs the call of the gospel because she will be tempted to sin in her responses to his anger (bitterness, self-righteousness, etc.).

Tripp lines out the goal of confrontation to be: Encourage people's new natures with the gospel. 

Steps of the confrontation process:

1. Consideration - What does this person need to see that he does not see and how can I help him see it? We must forsake our agenda and take up the Lord's. All that I say and the way that I say it must have godly change as the goal. 

2. Confession - once we have truly considered, we see our sin and that needs to be confessed. True confession flows out of worship.

3. Commitment - What is God calling the person to "put on." This needs to be Godward and not a surface commitment.

4. Change - can't stop at insight and commitment...must go in a new direction. 

I don't know if this is coming out as amazing to you as it was to me, but it has truly changed the way I process issues both in my life and with others. If this is at all helpful stuff to you, I encourage you to buy this book and get Tripp's much fuller explanation of all these ideas. :)

incredible sunset tonight

 

Speak, Part 1

The 3rd aspect of Tripp's personal ministry model is Speak...following up on the first two aspects, love and know. I wanted to break this into two parts as there is so much great stuff in these two chapters. 

Biblical view of confrontation:

1. Rooted in submission to the 1st greatest commandment - we confront other because we love Christ first - "To the degree that we give the love of our hearts to someone or something else, to that degree we lose our primary motive to confront."

2. Rooted in submission to the 2nd greatest commandment - we fail to speak because we lack true love, because we love ourselves too much and don't want to endure the hardship of honesty

3. It is our moral responsibility in every relationship. There should be many mini-moments of confrontation.

4. It's meant to be a lifestyle rather than an unusual event. Truth speaking should be part of our lives.

5. Flows out of a recognition of our identity as children of God. We are to be about His purposes which includes helping others conform to Christ.

6. Purpose is to help the person deal with the Lord, not us.

Why we all need honest, loving rebuke:

1. Deceitfulness of sin

2. Wrong and unbiblical thinking

3. Emotional thinking

4. Our view tends to be shaped by our experiences

2 primary goals in rebuking:

1. Being God's instrument of seeing in their lives - helping people see what God sees

2. Being an agent of repentance - helping in heart change that impacts their life

Great stuff that runs so counter to the premium we put on tolerance and looking the other way. But, growth occurs as we are challenged on where we stand in relation to God and His word. As Tripp points out, we have a lot of blind areas...areas that others see more clearly. Rather than seeing confrontation as a horrible evil, we should remember that genuine love cares enough to speak the truth. "Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses." Prov 27:5-6 

Writing about this gives the impression that I have it down, but I don't. This one is hard to do as well as to receive...

some lovely irises from our garden
 

Know

I have been quite delinquent about keeping you all up to date on the Redemption Group process. We already completed our training on Tripp's four aspects of personal ministry: Love, Know, Speak, Do. And earlier this week we headed out to Seattle for a CinC conference on those same four things. So, here are some great concepts from the Know portion:

pg 185 Biblical personal ministry is more about perspective, identity, and calling than about fixing what is broken

186 Biblical personal ministry thrives when good exegesis of scripture leads to an accurate exegesis of a person's life. 

Knowing someone

1. We must not assume

2. We must confirm our conclusions

3. We must ask good questions...open-ended, survey and focused, progressive - always seek to find out what you don't know

How to organize information

1. Situation - what's going on?

2. Responses - what the person says/does

3. Thoughts - interpretation of their world

4. Motives - What is desired

A comment was made at the CinC this weekend that "the further you get in this process, the more humility you need." When you're getting down to the motive level, you must make sure you are not responding in a prideful way that you know what the person thinks or needs...I guess I would also say that you can cause the most hurt/damage as you are addressing motives.

"Responses arrive from thoughts and motives of the heart amidst the situation." Mike Wilkerson from CinC summed it up that way. 

Know is basically about gleaning good information...seeking to find the root behind the action. 

Pulled these pics from our trip to Mount Saint Helens 2 years ago

 

 

 

Love

Most you probably remember me writing about Redemption Groups back in the fall. Well, our church has decided to offer them as a ministry, and after quite a bit back and forth mentally (and still feeling inadequate and some other personal struggles) decided to commit to going forward with them. Anyways, we had our first meeting last week where we went through the specific chapters on Love in Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands. I tell you, that book is great...go out and buy a copy for yourself, read it, and start applying it. :) So, I figured, I'd bring all of you along a bit of this path with me...so tonight here are some of the concepts in the Love chapters (7-8). 

People aren't in the way of the plan, they're the focus of it.

We would prefer to lob grenades of truth into people's lives rather than lay down our lives for them.

We are relationship thieves. People do not belong to us...they belong to God. Relationships are not primarily about our fulfillment. Our relationships should be loving and redemptive. 

To truly love, we must Enter the Person's World...that is done by truly seeing where people are at, not where we believe they are at. When people talk, there will be indicators of needs in their lives often shown by emotional words, interpretive words, self-talk, or God-talk. By asking questions about those things, we can get an honest understanding of the struggles people are facing.

Another element is that we Incarnate Christ...we're not just God's spokesperson, we're His example. We must be a picture of Who Christ is and a living example of what He's done. We can't "fix" a person, only God truly can...so we can't base our counsel on human wisdom, but on Spirit-led, bible-based, Christ-exalting truths. 

The third piece is Identifying with Suffering...it is a great equalizer as we've all experienced it to one degree or another. It creates in us a humility, an understanding that we're walking the road together, and that we don't have it all together - it's only Christ's work in us. 

Lastly, we need to Accept with Agenda. God's grace leads to change. We don't condemn the person, but we also don't condone their sinful choices. True love keeps God's greater agenda in mind...transformation. 

Good stuff...

just thought I'd share a pic of a recent math game we played
I draw this game board on the dry erase board and put "prizes" along the path
then I write out a math problem that if solved correctly gives them a roll of the dice
whatever they land on, they win: computer minutes, watching a show, a little treat, etc.
sometimes when I'm mean, I put "do a chore" on one of the spaces :)
I also have things like "kiss the momma", +2, -3, etc to add some spice
 

RGI Summary

One last Redemption Group thing to share...a summary of my experience. 

I went into the Redemption Group Immersion with what I would call a reluctant anticipation. I knew the process wouldn't be an easy one, but I was also looking forward to seeing the Lord work in my life. The Immersion was both of those things: difficult, yet extremely beneficial.

We started with a time of sharing our stories...telling how God had brought us to the place we are now. There was a lot of bittersweetness through that process as the far reaching effects of sin were clearly apparent, but the equally far reaching effects of grace were clearly demonstrated. God drew our group together as we were honest with each other. During the RGI, we also had many teaching times based on the Exodus account. They were truly amazing as that well-known Biblical account was made extremely relevant to all of our lives. We saw ourselves in the distressed Israelites, in the brought-out-of-bondage Israelites, in the complaining/dissatisfied Israelites, in the overcoming Israelites, in the other-god-seeking Isrealites, and finally in the God-as-our-promised-land Isrealites. Following each teaching time, there was a small group session where we dug into our lives and saw where we were truly at with God. Were we seeking Him first or other things? Was He our hope or a specific life we desired? Did we see our sin as against God first and foremost or just a bad choice? Those discussions brought out many areas of unbelief and wrong thinking in my life. They showed me where I was seeking God just for my own benefit, not because He is worthy of all my worship.

I would encourage every Christian who is serious about true sanctification in their life to participate in a Redemption Group. Not only was it worthwhile for me during that long weekend, but my perspective has been changed which will continue to alter the way I live before others and before God. If you are considering participating in RGs, take the plunge...be willing to go through the difficult refining process so that God may be glorified more in your life.

love these cousin pictures...

 

 

My Psalm

Just thought I'd share another piece of the Redemption Group process with all of you. During one of our free time slots, we were asked to write a Psalm encompassing a bit of what we had learned. Here's the one I wrote:

O God, you are my God

How thankful I am that you claim me as your own

That you sought me, you drew me to yourself

You have been faithful and true to me

Your word is precious to my soul for it directs me in right paths

Your Spirit comforts, convicts and guides

Your Son paid the price I could never pay to purchase the life I do not deserve

How thankful I am that you claim me as your own.

In your grace you sought me early

You know me, yet you don't turn away

With compassion you show me my shortcomings

Changing me to be more like you

Working in me to bring you glory, to proclaim your mighty works

How thankful I am that you claim me as your own

Lord, I ask that you cleanse me of self-righteousness

That you free me from my own expectations

That you remind me of my identity in you

That all I do would bring you the honor you rightly deserve

That I may not lose sight that you alone are worthy of all my worship

O God, you are my God

We put up the tree today...
 

 

 

 

 

The "Hot Seat"

I know you all have been eagerly anticipating my post on the "hot seat." :) The RG leaders were quite amused by our groups efforts to label the process. Like I mentioned earlier, each participant took some time to tell their story...then after each teaching time, we were asked a pointed question that would reveal some area(s) of unbelief/issues/sin in our lives. Although it seemed as though I was on the "hot seat" about 4 times, only the first two were really difficult. 

What predicated the first round was the question "What makes it difficult to accept God's forgiveness?...and to extend God's forgiveness?" I basically answered that it was difficult to accept God's forgiveness when I continue to sin in areas. I'm okay to accept it at first, but feel I should have figured out by the next time or two. Similarly, I have a hard time extending God's forgiveness to people who continue to sin against me in the same way...like if I forgive them, they won't have any desire to really change. Somehow that brought around the concept of expectations...the concept that I have too high of expectations for myself...that I have a hard time letting myself fail/not do what's right/etc. Basically, that showed me that although I am working a lot for God, I'm not taking the time to enjoy God for who He is...that I need to sit as His feet like Mary did rather than always be bustling around like Martha. Now, I'm not sure how much this will actually affect what I do outwardly, but inwardly, my desires were changed to not do because I should be, but do because I love God and He has given me so much. That has already been very freeing as I came back to a handful of activities and such...it's helped me to just be okay about how things are done, to spend some time in God's presence appreciating Him. 

Second round followed the question, "What burden of shame do you need to cast into the sea?" I piped up relatively quickly on that one expecting that since I just got "pursued" last session, I'd be moved past...wrong! My answer spoke of the shame I have felt when I get angry with my kiddos and lectured them/manipulated them/just generally treated them badly rather than discipling/nurturing as God calls us to. One of the leaders honed in on that and challenged why that brought me shame - because I was sinning against my kiddos and treating those entrusted to me badly. I was asked what that says about God - that I don't think He has my best in mind because my kiddos misbehave...I would like them to already be perfect, I have made an idol of perfect kids and a calm household. She asked what I did about it...I replied that I would generally seek their forgiveness for wronging them. Then she pressed me further about whether I had also sought God's forgiveness. On that point, I acknowledged that I didn't do that. She proceeded to challenge me with the concept that sin is first and foremost about God - that it is shaking my fist at Him saying that I have better ideas, that my way is superior. I had honestly not really considered that before...I had seen my sin as something that should be changed because it was bad, not necessarily because it was specifically against God. Already, this has greatly helped me as we started back into school and the kiddos get cranky...I have been able to let go of my frustrations realizing God has chosen this for me in this moment, and He has a greater plan than I ever will. 

Freeing is a way I would describe how this weekend impacted me. It showed me again of my position in Christ, how great His love is for me, how much I have been given. That regardless if I never do another thing for Him, He calls me His own...that my primary responsibility is to rightly worship Him at all times and in all things...that being satisfied in Him is the best thing I can do...that I can let go of the difficulties in this world, knowing He is in complete control. How thankful I am that He claims me as His own...

this was the beautiful view outside the vacation home
 

here's a view of where we had our teaching time...lovely, lovely
 

RG, Day 4

We finished up our four day immersion today with one last session on The Promised Land (the place of our ultimate satisfaction). It was very challenging and encouraging to think about what it is that we really desire and if God is truly a part of it. Piper summarizes the thought well in this quote:

“If you could have heaven, with no sickness, and with all the friends you ever had on earth, and all the food you ever liked, and all the leisure activities you ever enjoyed, and all the natural beauties you ever saw, all the physical pleasures you ever tasted, and no human conflict or any natural disasters, could you be satisfied with heaven, if Christ was not there?”

Following our last group breakout session, we had a time of celebration. It was an opportunity to share how God had worked in your life over the weekend. I appreciated hearing many of the ways people had been changed. Then we completed our time together with communion...a fitting end to a weekend that was all about Christ's work for us on the cross. 

Once I process a bit more, I'll write more specifically about what the weekend meant to me personally. :)

RGs, Day 3

Today felt much less exhausting than the previous two had been...probably because yesterday I was on the "hot seat" and the day before it was all new. I'll write more about the hot seat moments another time as I should be getting to bed sooner rather than later - so here are some beneficial concepts from yesterday and today...

Unless you see God as the most offended party, you won't really change because you don't see the weight of your sin and need for redemption.

We must have an unending resource in order to continue forgiving others - and that is God's forgiveness of us. When we see ourselves rightly, we can extend forgiveness to others.

We feel shame because of sin we commit. And, shame's message is accurate apart from Jesus. Christ took our shame away so we can live honestly before Him. We can let go of any shame because ultimately it doesn't define us.

We are identified by what Jesus has done, not by what we have done - both good or bad.

Your life always reflects your theology.

God did not design His gifts to completely satisfy - rather they should cause us to look to Him.

The only way to replace idols in our lives are to replace them with a greater God. White knuckling, trying harder, etc., only last so long. Since idolatry is a worship disorder, we must find something (someOne) greater to worship. Idolatry is exchanging truth for a lie and underlies all sin.

Our posture must be upward...living rightly before man is good, but the critical piece is living rightly before God. He needs to be our greatest concern when we sin and our greatest desire in all of life.

God's basis for transformation is His presence. His Spirit within us gives us hope for change. He knows we can't do it ourselves, so He gave us Himself.

RG, Day 2

Sorry guys, but I am way too tired to write or process anything tonight. It was good, very challenging, and very physically and emotionally exhausting...Hopefully I'll feel up to a bit more input tomorrow. :)

Redemption Groups, Day 1

Well, I must admit I'm tired and headache-y at the moment if that gives you an idea of the intensity of our day today (although I think tomorrow will be more intense!). Even though it was long, today was very good. We had a couple sessions of teaching based on the Redemption Story through the book of Exodus. They use the book, Redemption, as their jump off text. A couple of key points I liked were:

  We are all made to worship, yet we often worship something other than the Lord which is sin. All those other things don't give satisfaction, but disappoint. We need to be constantly turning our thoughts God ward to stay on track rather than just trying to do it in our own strength.

  Even in suffering/pain, God is at work. He is present, we need to submit to His conforming work in our lives through it, and take ownership for any aspect of our sin in the circumstance.

  Our circumstances should not inform our view of God, God should inform our view of circumstances. God's picture of redemption often is not what we have in mind or would choose (we generally want the easy way out). Adversity shows who we believe God to be.

Most of the rest of our time, the guys and girls broke off and shared their stories (about their life, coming to know Christ, and where they are at today). That was, as you would expect, quite emotional for the girls. Seeing the destructiveness of sin in so many lives, made me thankful for God's grace to me in placing me in a Christian family who loved me and showed Christ to me. Thanks, mom (and dad)! :) The afternoon/evening was ended by the leaders challenging a couple ladies in our group on issues that had been brought up in their lives...it wasn't my turn for scrutiny tonight, but it will be tomorrow, I'm sure. May God use it for His glory and my good...

Random Happenings

Just some updates on random happenings around here...

Mid Valley Ice Skating/Pizza Party - we spent some time Sunday with our dear friends from our previous church. I just mention this because it has been such a blessing to us at how loved and connected we still feel there after the difficult decision to leave. God has definitely extended grace to us in that.

GCC - While I still don't feel the warmth of fellowship at GCC that we did at Mid Valley (in reality, it's only been 8 months), this past week I was reflecting on how good our time there has been. I know I have grown a lot through the challenging and insightful preaching of the Word as well as through our time in GC Groups. There has been a lot of stretching and getting out of my comfort zone to serve and endeavor to make disciples. I have particularly enjoyed the practical focus of making disciples in our group. It really does draw you together in a deeper way. 

Redemption Groups - starting tomorrow Dave and I will be participating in a Redemption Group Immersion. The focus of those groups is to specifically address the really difficult things in life like addictions, abuses, and major trials. I must say I am a bit reticent about it as the main structure of the RGI is to have the participants (meaning me!) go through the program on a personal level. Lord willing, God will use this for my greater sanctification and His glory in my life. 

Israel - today Dave and I decided that we are going to go to Israel in May! I can't quite believe it...we've talked about it for years, but now it's happening!! We are going with a previous professor of mine at The Master's College, Randy Cook. The itinerary is packed with lots of great places and activities. I am most excited to have Dave be able to experience it (I went for a semester in college many years ago if you didn't know that). The kids, however, are not very excited about it...they are used to always having us around. We did promise to bring them back something neat. :)

I think that's it for now...

lovely rainbow last week, I think
 

then it turned into a double rainbow