High Goals, Low Expectations

A number of weeks ago now, I had the privilege of sharing some thoughts/advice at a baby shower for a lovely young lady (I certainly have been feeling a lot older lately!). As I reflected on what I could possibly say since it seems so long since my kids were little, a concept came to mind that transcends all ages and, really, all relationships. It is have high goals, but low expectations...a concept I first learned through the book Homeschooling with a Meek and Quiet Spirit. 

Goals are a important piece of life, and we often have them whether we quite realize it or not. They are something we are striving to attain, a pursuit. Some are well thought out (e.g.. having our kids read certain books or have certain skills) and others are subconsciously desired (e.g. having our child become potty trained or sleep through the night). With our kids, goals are helpful and should be in place as we are stewards of them during their time with us. 

Now, expectations are what we think should happen. Two things should be considered in those expectations...one, that our children are born sinful (Ps 51:5), and, two, our children are born immature (Prov 22:15). Knowing that, we need to have low expectations. We should not expect them to have arrived at our goals, yet so often I know I do. How do I know I do that? Because I respond in anger, frustration, disappointment, or irritation. If my expectations were low, I would be quick to train, to disciple, to come along side and help in order to move them along toward the goals I have for them.

For example, we tell our child to pick up their toys. The goal: cheerful, quick, complete obedience. The expectation: High - they will pick up their toys quickly, cheerfully, and completely; Low - they will likely grumble and poke. If my expectation is high and they react sinfully and foolishly as children do, I will likely become angry and frustrated. If my expectation is low and they react sinfully and foolishly, I will be ready for it and spend the time to train them...if my expectation is low and they react quickly, cheerfully, and completely, I can rejoice at the work God is doing in their lives.

I hope this is making sense as it has been a transforming concept in my life. Whenever I become angry, I am able to trace it back to a misplaced expectation. When I respond calmly and beneficially, I can work towards the goal while acknowledging the current deficit. 

Just one last thought...God's goals for us are holiness (1 Pet 1:15) and perfection (Mt 5:48). Yet, doesn't He respond with compassion and grace towards us each and every day? I am thankful for His example as He patiently works with me.