Enabling

Enabling --verb-- In a negative sense, enabling is also used in the context of problematic behavior, to signify dysfunctional approaches that are intended to help but in fact may perpetuate a problem. from Wikipedia

It's been a relatively difficult week around here. Hannah has had 4th grade testing three mornings this week and another on Monday. I've decided that she is my anxious perfectionist (in some areas) - a tough combination. This week has also reminded me of what I think is one of the biggest challenges to homeschooling...enabling your children rather than pushing them to accomplish what they are able on their own. This becomes particularly evident when they are expected to take a test on their own, without raising their hand for help every couple of minutes. Maybe this isn't the case when you are teaching more than two kids, but it seems to be something that happens around here. I do acknowledge that this is also somewhat personality driven by the child, and is, in many ways, a formed habit by the parent.

As a mom, you want your kiddo to succeed, you want them to get the right answer, to finish the page...and, oftentimes it's easier just to explain and prompt rather than challenge and encourage (at least in the short-run). But, we aren't just working for today, but 5, 10, 20 years from now. It is important for each of us to be willing to put in the hard effort to figure something out, and that is best learned as a child in the home.

So, what can be done? These are some thoughts I've had although not all that I have proven through practice...

1. Do a good job at explaining the expectation for whatever work you are giving the child. Know ahead of time if there are some confusing directions that need clarifying or a new concept that needs to be introduced. Don't expect a child to just "get it" because you as an adult understand what is being asked. The problem with this is that it takes preparation in advance...something I'm not good at with school work...something I should work on.

2. Since my kiddos are getting older, I can simply ask, "Have you really tried your best to get this answer, or are you being lazy/just wanting an easy way out/giving in too easily/etc?"

3. For a child that often has this problem, requiring them to read through the directions as least two times or to spend at least a few minutes trying to work it out on their own can be helpful. Sometimes my children "magically" come up with the right answer when I am in the middle of something and am not immediately able to help. When it is less convenient to seek help, a child may put in the extra effort required. I've also found not being in the same room while doing worksheets can create a sort of buffer that stops the kiddos from immediately requesting my assistance.

4. Make sure they are legitimately able to do the work you are requesting of them. I find that a particular challenge with Josh who works above his level, but still can't write legibly to save his life. It is not reasonable to expect him to write a page of text even though he is able to answer the question verbally.

5. Be aware of their limits. If you have just been up late multiple nights in a row, or the child has been sick, or you've just come off a vacation, don't expect them to work at their highest potential. Also, there are days when no one feels like schoolwork...sometimes it's best to just give in and read a book/play outside/do a craft, or sometimes you just need to teach a lesson in perseverance.

Hope those thoughts are helpful...I plan to be much more diligent about challenging my kiddos to work on their own during our next school year.

We have some friends that live up the street who own this sweet horse.
They let us come up and feed her carrots and apples...a real treat for Hannah.